This damaging complex is what creates that feeling of ‘hurry, hurry, not much time left!’ that so many of us experience on a daily basis when it comes to men, dating, and love.
Not to put too fine a point on it, but this is why dating becomes such an issue for so many women. It’s no longer viewed as something FUN  i.e. meeting some new people, flirting up a storm, and just kicking back and seeing what turns up. It becomes more of a RACE AGAINST TIME  where phrases like, ‘My clock is ticking’, ‘I don’t have
time for games’, and ‘I need to know what his intentions are RIGHT NOW’ start coming into play.

No no no!

This is DISASTROUS to your
desirability and overall attractiveness not to mention, your ability to simply RELAX and ENJOY yourself.

Here’s an idea for you: when it comes to ‘finding love’, and attracting a TOP QUALITY
relationship into your life, ‘chilling out’ and just relaxing are MANDATORY.

This is not something you have a choice in. If you want to ‘get to where you want to get to’, know this: you WILL NOT get there unless you relaaaaaaaax. And that means, not stressing because he ‘hasn’t shown up yet’ in your life. It ALSO means, not getting fidgety and angst-y because you don’t know ‘where this is going’. And it ALSO means just allowing yourself to go with the flow and not trying to FORCE anything to happen. Oh, and one last thing … yes, it also means ditching the ‘entitlement complex’ and realizing that a relationship is not something that you are OWED.

It’s something that you ATTRACT to yourself, by way of EARNING IT through having a top-quality outlook on yourself, dating, and life.

Reading between the lines here, what that means for you is that  yes, he IS out there. But, he will show up in your life when you get your attitude sorted and when you ENFORCE an attitude of acceptance, patience, and an ability to CHILL OUT and have some fun. Bearing that in mind, let’s get some other home truths about dating – and how to SUCCEED at it – out of the way.

YOU ARE NOT ‘OWED’ A RELATIONSHIP. YOU ‘EARN’ ONE THROUGH LOSING YOUR ATTACHMENT TO THE OUTCOME.

Here’s what I mean by that statement.

I am convinced that the #1 reason women are scared of dating is because they see everything in terms of “success” or “rejection.”

If the ultimate goal is a (great) relationship, then everything that contributes towards that end-goal can be considered a ‘success’.

And everything that (seems to) get in the way of that goal becoming your reality is then considered a ‘failure’.  By that very same logic, everything
becomes very PERSONAL. Since YOU are the one ‘committing’ all these failures or successes, your own status – as either a ‘failure’ or a ‘success’ will dip and dive, depending on whichever the most recent outcome was.

For example, if you just had a kick-ass flirting session with someone you find attractive, you’ll be walking on air and feeling like ‘a
success’ that is, until the next interaction goes awry and you didn’t get what you were aiming for, in which case, you will then feel like a
‘failure’.

This is known in Eastern-philosophical circles as being ‘attached to the outcome’. In Western society, the word ‘obsessive’ will likely do just
as well and here’s how it DIRECTLY AFFECTS your abilities to date, have fun, and find
love. When you get too attached to the outcome, and start attaching ‘meaning’ and ‘labels’ to how asituation turns out, you are actually LESSENING the likelihood of you getting what you want.

It’s really quite paradoxical. Let’s take a closer look.

When you get all wrapped up in the IMPORTANCE of how something turns out, ESPECIALLY when your
own self-image, pride, or esteem is at stake (which it absolutely is, once labels like ‘success’ and ‘failure’ start being
bandied around), that’s when your actions start to become affected by FEAR.

You become AFRAID of ‘what might happen’ if you attempt to do something and it doesn’t work out. Because, of course, if you ‘fail’,
then YOU become, by proxy, ‘a failure’.

That’s when you start getting all nervous, tongue-tied, jittery, and generally freaked out and you end up ACTIVELY COMPROMISING your own
success. On the other hand, if you’re able to just kick back and relax, and NOT care ‘too much’ about how something pans out and take the view that, whatever happens, it’s NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL, you are then able to just be ‘real’ in any situation.

You’re not compromising your own abilities.

You’re not getting nervous or jittery.

And you’re not going to trip yourself up by adrenalinizing yourself into an early faux-pas. You’re going to just be NORMAL and CHILLED OUT which is exactly when your true irresistibility is able to shine forth and WOW whoever you’re talking to.

(As an unexpected bonus, if things don’t go as you’d expected, you’re not likely to waste more energy beating yourself up over it- incidentally, thus compromising your ‘nerve’ for future interactions -because it’s NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL.)

Hmmmm!

Interesting.

How do you suppose YOU could apply this paradoxical little phenomenon to your own life and your own outlook?

I’ll give you a hint.

STOP FEELING LIKE YOU’RE ‘OWED’ A RELATIONSHIP.

Stop feeling as though you have to ‘hurry up and get there’. Know what? There IS no ‘there’. ‘There’ is actually HERE because ‘right now’ is all you’ll ever have.

Being present and in the moment are concepts that were originally pioneered a LONG time ago (i.e., I didn’t invent them) but they are incredible helpful when you find yourself getting tied up, angst-ridden, and stress-y about ‘when things are going to start happening’.

And by the way, getting your head around this concept is something that is going to turn you into a Man Magnet QUICK-SMART – and it’s also UNBELIEVABLY empowering.

Why?

Because it puts the focus on ENJOYMENT and LEARNING, rather than ‘outward signifiers’ of success (like a boyfriend or a ring.)

By making that one simple shift -changing your focus from ‘getting a guy’ to ‘learning about love’- you’ll set yourself apart from the 99% of
other women out there who are ‘competing’ for the attention and affection of the opposite sex.

And incidentally, it also boosts your individuality by approximately infinity, because you’re no longer crippled by nerves or anxiety or that overwhelming desire to act a ‘certain way’.

So give up the old metaphor of “getting” a man and try some new ones on for size.

Try thinking about ‘relationships’ like this:

People either feel CONNECTED to one another or they don’t.
The possibility of connection depends on their mood, the environment, the timing, and a multitude of other factors of which YOU are only a small part.

So when a man ‘rejects’ you, it’s not like he’s seen the ‘real you’ and decided that you’re ‘not worthy.’

It’s just that, for whatever reason, a connection has not been created. So it’s not about YOU. It’s not even about HIM. It’s about whether or not a CONNECTION -something external and something over which YOU have VERY LITTLE IMMEDIATE CONTROL – has been created or not.

Have a think about it.

NOTE: This has much less than you think to do with your LOOKS than it does with who you REALLY are. Yes, your looks DO matter – but most women mistakenly believe that looks are ‘everything’. As a result, they spend endless time building a wardrobe, putting on makeup, and going to the gym  and then they’re confused when their relationships never change-up a gear. Something else you may find relevant: there are plenty of men out there who DO value ‘looks’ as literally THE THING that would make them want to commit to a woman. (Men have actually replied to commitment-related survey questions that I’ve sent out with this answer.) So if you want to rely on looks alone, that’s OK … you will get men. HOWEVER! The men that you DO get will tend to be the ones who want a ‘trophy girlfriend’, and as such, they will be more interested in ‘sex’ than they are interested in ‘you’. (And you can just bet that they’ll trade in an older, ‘dingier’ model for something younger as soon as they feel it appropriate to do so.)

Bottom line: once again, it all boils down to QUALITY. If you want a quality man (and relationship), you’ve got to BE QUALITY YOURSELF. Which means, ‘multi-faceted’ is IN, and ‘Barbie doll’ is OUT. Moving right along , So what will flat-out help you to attract the man (and life) of your dreams right onto your doorstep? FIRST OF ALL … you’ve GOT to take a look at your ATTITUDE.

Quantum physics (the ‘science of possibility’) states that our attitudes and beliefs are what shape our reality. What’s happening INSIDE us is what determines the situation OUTSIDE of us. So if you’re giving too much air-time to that Inner Critic who lives inside your head … or if you’re holding yourself back with artificial, limiting beliefs about men and love,  i.e. ‘I’m too old to be attractive’, ‘I’m just not pretty enough’, ‘No-one wants to date a single mom’, and so on, then the Universe will ‘hear’ you, and – since the Universe always speaks your language – that is then the situation that you will create around you. BUT, if you can develop a ‘attitude of gratitude’ and actually APPRECIATE what you’ve got, then very quickly you’ll begin to experience a paradigm shift – not only inside your heart and mind, but also in your LIFE. (That’s the great thing about quantum physics – the responsibility is squarely in YOUR lap. Can anyone say … EMPOWERING?)

Your attitude about YOURSELF will also manifest in your life. For example, if you’re acting out insecurity or low self-image … for example, by doing things that, deep down, you’re not comfortable doing in order to ‘get’ somebody’s attention or affection, for example, getting ‘physical’ quickly in order to ‘get closer’ to someone, or agreeing to an exclusive relationship EVEN WHEN you don’t really want to, because you’re unsure of what other options you might have,  then you’ve got to be aware that those actions are rooted in FEAR and INSECURITY and will inevitably come back to bite you on the butt.

Here’s the deal: if you have sex before you’d prefer because you want to ‘get something’ (a commitment, some attention, someone to wake up next to), then you are directly raising your chances of ending up with a man who is USING YOU for sex. Why? Because the Universe LISTENS to you and REFLECTS your behaviors right back to you. In this case, you would actually be using YOURSELF as a ‘tool’ to ‘get’ something out of someone else. The result is usually that the people who this manipulative behavior actually works on are the very same people who are comfortable doing what you do – i.e. USING YOU. Part of being a quality woman, and ending up with the kind of quality man who you REALLY want and deserve, is developing a little self-awareness, actually paying some attention to what’s motivating you and what your REAL INTENTIONS are, and bringing them into line with who you are. No falseness, manipulation, or ‘faking it’ is required (or permitted) here. BEING quality will GET YOU quality – there’s just no short-changing yourself in this department.

Here are a few solid tips to help you make sure that you’re not inadvertently sliding into false, ‘needy’, or accidentally manipulative behavior:

• Don’t be on call for him.
• Don’t drop all your plans for him.
• Don’t sit at home waiting for his text messages or phone-call.
• Don’t ditch your friends for him. 
•  Don’t be the one he calls ONLY when he wants something. 
• Don’t accept a ‘date’ after 10 pm (because by this stage, it’s not a date, it’s a booty-call.) 
•  Don’t be fooled by the belief that he will change for you.

Don’t get led on by that little string of hope he keeps dangling in front of you. If you want people in your life to respect you and genuinely care for you, then you’ve got to set the tone. Men (and everyone else) will only think as well of you as YOU think of yourself, so stop second-guessing yourself and become your own biggest fan. To get respect, you’ve gotta have it for yourself. By the way,  all these things are PART of being genuinely attractive to a man, but they’re not THE MOST fundamental thing. I want you to think deeper than what everyone else is telling you. Think deeper than “conventional wisdom.” What is the single most FUNDAMENTAL thing that a man wants in a sexual partner? Think about it. What’s the one thing he HAS to have? I can tell you straight off that it isn’t personality. There are plenty of lovely, funny, and smart SINGLE women out there. I can also tell you that it isn’t looks. Beautiful women get dumped every day. Confidence is closer, but I still know shy timid girls who are deemed desirable. So what is it? Get ready for the answer, because it’s gonna blow your mind…

THE MOST IMPORTANT SECRET TO MAKING MEN WANT YOU IS … …that she’s a WOMAN. That’s IT. Men are attracted to FEMALES, plain and simple. A WOMAN is someone who’s completely different from him in every way. A WOMAN is someone who has intuition, is in touch with her emotions, and can nurture and support others through life’s ups and downs. A WOMAN is someone who a man can trust to teach him how to feel, how to love, and how to live life in its most fullest capacity. See, you don’t have to be a man’s “best friend” to attract him. (And in fact, forming a ‘friendship’ with a man, in the hopes of getting ‘more than’ down the track, is a plain bad idea and it rarely works. If a guy is attracted to you, he’ll let you know about it. And if he’s NOT attracted to you, then no amount of chumming around and being ‘friends’ is going to CREATE attraction.) Men cultivate masculine relationships – a.k.a. FRIENDSHIPS – to satisfy COMPLETELY DIFFERENT needs than the ones that they cultivate FEMALE relationships for. A man will go to other men to talk tough, one-up each other, fix stuff (or, depending on what kind of guy he is, break stuff), tinker around, and generally wallow in MALENESS. (That’s M-A-L-E-NESS, by the way … the kind of ‘masculinity’ he DOESN’T want you around to witness.) He’ll go to a WOMAN when he wants to talk about his hopes and dreams. He’ll go to a WOMAN when he wants to feel loved or nurtured. He will go to a WOMAN when he wants to feel supported. He’ll go to a WOMAN when he wants the SOFT TOUCH. A man wants a woman because she’s a WOMAN  not because she’s his “best friend.” Not because she’s “one of the guys,” able to match him shot for shot, or head a soccer ball better than he can and not because she resembles him in his interests, passions, and abilities.

Unfortunately, a lot of women mistake ‘closeness’ for ATTRACTION, and try to strike up a relationship by EMULATING a man  in the hopes that ‘alike’ will create DESIRE. Here’s how it usually goes for most women: After attracting a man, they get to know him a little better, and come to a set of conclusions (based on a semi-knowledge of his personality) of what sort of woman he would most like to hang out with. As a result, they start to make all these little ‘alterations’ to their personality. She’ll suddenly start liking HIS music. She’ll drink beer instead of white wine. She’ll carve her 20-minute morning ‘wash-and-get-pretty’ routine down to 5 minutes because she’s ‘embarrassed’ about taking care of herself. And she’ll start spending more time hanging out in sports bars, because that’s where he likes to hang out. Why? Because she thinks (wrongly, as it turns out) that he will like her more and WANT HER more if she more closely resembles HIM, and the (male) friends he likes to hang out with. WRONG!! And before you know it, her original personality (which incidentally, is what attracted him in the first place) is GONE. Replaced by a bizarre replica of the new man in her life. Has this ever happened to you? Have you ever been in that situation where a guy goes to you when he wants to get drunk and be naughty… but NOT the girl he wants to talk to about love or his dreams?

This sort of thing happens when a man doesn’t see you as a WOMAN. In your efforts to become “one of the boys,” and get closer to him by EMULATING him  as opposed to having your OWN self, your OWN opinions, and your own LIFE you actually BECOME ‘one of the boys’ to him. That’s exactly how he now sees you as a ‘mate’, not as a contender to be The Woman in his life. Since the feminism boom, women have been taught that we can do ‘anything.’ We can match the boys in any old area we want to … the subtext being, ‘and they’ll just have to suck it up.’ Here’s the problem ,if you’re trying to ‘compete’ with men, or prove that ‘women are equal to men’, that’s going to come across as not only egomaniacal, but also UNATTRACTIVELY COMPETITIVE. You can compete with a man, OR you can attract him. You can’t do both. Now, that’s not to say that women are somehow ‘less than’ than men are, or that we need to take pains to reign in our brilliance in case we ‘put off the men’. But it IS to say that when you’re basing your beliefs and actions in a need to ‘prove something’  then you can bet that men will SENSE that about you, and be turned off. It’s true. And what many women just go TOO FAR in the whole ‘we’re just as good as men’ concept without even realizing it. They end up portraying themselves as ‘ball-busters’ or ‘hard women’, and of course, they then find it extremely difficult to ALSO be attractive

Why? Does that mean that ‘success’ is ‘unattractive’ in a woman? Well, no. Not unless the kind of guy you’re setting your cap for is ALSO the kind of guy who has deep-seated ‘security issues’ about his masculinity. What it DOES mean is that if you’re succeeding at something NOT out of a genuine desire to SUCCEED, but instead are operating out of a desire to ‘win’ over MEN, then THAT is what’s unattractive because it’s UNFEMININE. It’s competitive, it’s not sexy, and it’s just not attractive. So if you want to compete with a guy, fine … but don’t expect to have him eating out of the palm of your hand as soon as business hours are over. In the process of trying to make themselves more ‘liberated’ and gain all of the freedoms that men have, many women have, in the eyes of the guys, essentially BECOME MEN. They’ve embraced their masculine ‘competitiveness’ over their femininity, in the belief that this is what’s required to get what you want in life. They’ve managed to squash the very feminine essence that makes them attractive to men!
QUICK NOTE: When you start comparing yourself with the opposite sex, you are setting yourself up for trouble! And by the way there’s no threshold that you cross over that qualifies you as the ‘feminine’ kind of woman who men are attracted to. Discovering and unleashing your femininity is a PROCESS. You’re going to continue learning more about what it means to be a woman until the day you die. But to speed things up a bit, I’m going to give you three mind-blowing principles right now that have the power to COMPLETELY TRANSFORM your life.

CRASH COURSE IN ATTRACTION
TIP #1: Avoid getting too set in your ways. If you want to be the kind of WOMAN that a MAN desires, then it’s time to shake things up a bit. The main issue that most women have in this area is, they get too set in what they’re LOOKING for. They know the exact kind of man they want, and they’re not even going to waste any time DATING anyone who doesn’t match the picture they’ve got in their heads of Mr Right. This is a great way to cheat yourself out of a LOT of dates, and a LOT of great relationships. Challenge yourself. Don’t get too comfortable. Loosen up your ideals a bit and try dating people ‘just to see what happens’, instead of dating to ‘find someone’. There are still things you are being called to learn and grow from. If you believe you have reached the pinnacle of your success, you have nothing left to achieve. The minute your life seems to be just the way you like it, STIR THINGS UP. Do something that scares you just a little bit. Here’s another common situation: the situation where you spend all your time striving to get things ‘just so’, and you’re not going to be ‘happy’ UNTIL you get things ‘just so’. For example, ‘I’m going to be happy when I’ve got a great relationship.’ Or, ‘I’ll really be able to relax when I get that pay rise.’ Try this on for size: the point of your life is NOT to have things just the way you want them. The minute everything gets just the way you want it, something’s going to happen and blow your house of cards to bits. It’s important for your lifestyle, for your hope of a great relationship, and for your own irresistibility, that you keep your life in a state of FLUX. Don’t get too focused on one thing: the only thing that tunnel vision’s good for is IGNORING everything else that’s out there. If you’re afraid of change… or afraid of loss… or afraid of losing a bit of control… then it’s time to face those fears and see them for what they really are. It’s not a pretty word, and it’s a difficult one to get your head around … … It’s called INSECURITY. Insecurity often manifests itself in an extreme desire to CONTROL things. The mindset of working to “get” things (and thus, control) becomes entrenched. You work hard to get money, which equals financial security. You work out at the gym to “get” the body you desire, so your self-esteem is cemented and so you feel that you can attract a suitable man. It’s easy to get into the mindset of “acquiring” things to improve your life. And most of the time, there’s nothing wrong with that. Working hard to get what you want is a handy mindset to have, when you’re talking about a career or a possession. But a man is not an acquisition. A man is something that will turn up in your life when you’re able to RELAX and just chill out – not when you’re hell-bent on controlling your environment, and DEFINITELY not when you’re busy excluding all sorts of guys from your life because they ‘don’t match up’.

TIP #2: Set clear boundaries with men. Ever heard the phrase ‘doormat’? It’s something that many MANY women turn themselves into in a vain struggle to become ‘more attractive’ to men. Women who are ‘doormats’ are the ones who give when they don’t actually WANT to give. They do things for others (guys) because they want to be more desired, more appreciated, and to create more of a bond. (Hint: this is actually MANIPULATIVE, although most women don’t realize it at the time.) Unfortunately, men can actually TELL when your actions are rooted in insecurity or fear … in this case, a fear that you won’t be ‘enough’ UNLESS you act a certain way or give a certain thing. And, far from being attractive, it’s actually a MASSIVE turn-off … and usually results in poor treatment, LESS of a bond than before, and significantly decreased respect. (Feelings of confusion and frustration on both sides are also common.) Fortunately, the antidote is simple: SET CLEAR BOUNDARIES. Learn the art of being straight-up with people (and men, in particular), and recognize that trying to ‘get people’ to like you by acting a certain way is MANIPULATIVE and UNATTRACTIVE … and will directly contradict all other efforts to be truly high-quality and desirable. A good skill to learn is the art of saying ‘no’ WITHOUT feeling or creating any awkwardness. For example, if your date calls you up at 7pm for an 8.30 pm date, and you would feel inconvenienced by dropping everything to meet him (as you SHOULD feel, by the way) … – A ‘doormat’ would FEEL the inconvenience and the resentment, but go ahead and meet him anyway, thus poisoning the evening for both people by failing to act on her own feelings. Her date then gets the message that she’s the kind of woman who’s afraid of honesty and directness, and figures that she’ll end up being a liability further down the track. – A quality woman would say, ‘Actually, I’ve got an early start tomorrow, but I’m free later this week. Why don’t we meet up then at a more convenient time?’ … and is thus able to stay true to herself, be honest with her guy, AND enjoy a date at a time that suits HER. The message her date gets: ‘My life and my priorities are important to me, but you matter too, so let’s figure out something that suits BOTH of us.’ … and his respect (and desire) for her GROWS. Once you figure out how to set boundaries, and you actually internalize the fact that the word ‘No’ is going to INCREASE the quality of your life (and your self-respect, your desirability, your energy levels …), you’re going to start seeing a big turn-around in the quality and quantity of your dates, and things will start to happen very quickly.

 TIP #3: Come to terms with your past and your future. This is another aspect of your life where the word ‘RESPONSIBILITY’ plays a HUGE role in your day-to-day life, AND your attraction. ‘Baggage’ is something that just about everybody has. However, SOME women allow the weight of their baggage to actively shape the life that they’re living today, and this translates into nothing but aggravation and DECREASED quality in the here-and-now. Your past is part of who you are and what you have grown into, and while we are shaped by the events of our past, we are by no means DEFINED by them … that is, unless we choose to. For example, many women feel ‘emotionally crippled’ by previous relationships with men, and have reached the point where they feel ‘unable’ or unwilling to ‘try again’ with a new man. The problem with this is that, once again, your BELIEFS are creating a NEGATIVE REALITY for you. You are effectively ‘imprisoning yourself’ in the past by forbidding yourself the ability to move on, to forgive what’s happened, and to embrace the possibilities of right now.

Let me tell you a little story … >>>> There were two Buddhist monks sitting quietly together under a tree. After many years of imprisonment and torture, they had finally been released from their cells and were free to go. One monk turned to another. ‘Have you forgiven your imprisoners?’ he said. The other monk looked appalled. ‘Of course not!’ he said. ‘How on earth could I ever forgive them for all the things they did to me?’ The other monk regarded him calmly. ‘Then I suppose you’re still imprisoned,’ he said. >>>>
The parable of the monks is similar to your own, if you’re still lugging around baggage from the past. If you are permitting pain from the past to shape the reality of your life as it is right now, then you’re in a prison of your own making. You’re CHOOSING to accept the fact that the past will forever have a hold on you, and that you would rather LIVE in the past than move on and live in the NOW. The key is FORGIVENESS (otherwise known as ‘moving on’.) To forgive means that you make a conscious decision to STOP giving mental energy to whatever’s happened in the past. It’s not about absolving someone else of responsibility – for example, if you feel that someone has wronged you, know that this is not about saying, ‘That’s OK that you did this to me.’ Instead, it’s about freeing yourself from the emotional burden of looking at life from a past perspective, and admitting to yourself that you are ready to move on WITHOUT bringing forward baggage or burdens from ‘before’. Only when you are able to relinquish the past and accept that it’s over will you be able to live fully in the present moment … and only then will you be able to recognize and make the most of the opportunities that present themselves to you each day. Until you can forgive (read: accept, and move on), you will still be stuck in the prison of the past. Equally, while you’re on the subject of the past, it’s not going to hurt to turn your mental gaze the other direction: to the FUTURE. If you have no clue where your life is heading, then I suggest that you spend some time figuring it out. Some women have GREAT ideas for their lives … but they change their minds every few months (or weeks or days). The result? They never accomplish anything. They lack the initiative to set a plan of action to help them achieve. Think about it, if you’re an arrow heading for a target, then suddenly change direction to hit another target, you’re going to run out of steam and drop to the ground before you manage to hit ANYTHING. Set a goal for yourself, and STICK to it. Start sticking to your word. Don’t lay awake at night worrying if you made the right decision or whether you’d like something better. ANY decision is better than no decision at all! If the magnitude of the goal frightens you, then set smaller goals that move you along in incremental steps until you know enough to determine whether that direction is right for you. By the way  smaller goals are a good idea because you’re more likely to achieve them. The rush of achievement from fulfilling a goal is a high like no other … and gradually, as your confidence grows, you can start to set larger, more challenging goals. But take it one step at a time! Don’t rush the process!
For example, it may not be helpful to think to yourself, ‘My goal is to get engaged and married within the next six months’ if right now you are single and not dating anyone. But having a SMALLER goal – one that you know that you can meet and fulfil, with some effort – will act as a motivating force in your life, and will empower you once you’ve completed it. For example, ‘meeting and dating three men in the next eight weeks’ is much more of a sustainable goal. Once you come to terms with this fact, and are able to externalize this truth in your day to day life, your relationships are going to be a lot happier and healthier!

  Today I’m going to be typing at you about how
men really feel about women and dating, women and
relationships and whether all those male/female
stereotypes are actually true.

  First of all: let’s deal with STEREOTYPES, and
how they can actually HARM your relationships with
men. 

  There are a lot of women walking around out
there today who have, on some level, bought into
the idea that ‘Men are so-and-so’. 

  Let me give you a few examples. 

  ‘Men are crap.’

  ‘Men rule the world.’

  ‘Men just want sex.’

  ‘All the good men are taken.’

  These are all STEREOTYPES, and when you buy
into them, you BLIND yourself to the near-infinite
number of rich, satisfying possibilities that
actually exist out there, RIGHT NOW, for you to
enjoy. 

  Not only because your beliefs, to a large
extent, form self-fulfilling prophecies in your
own life  but ALSO because men can often SENSE when a
woman is harboring a bitter and frustrated
stereotype about men, and to a quality guy, that’s
pretty repulsive. 

  Let’s deal with this one thing at a time. 

  If you’ve bought into the idea that, say, ‘men
just want sex’, it’s not hard for you to CREATE
that prophecy for real in your own life. 

  Example: I was watching the movie ‘Closer’
recently. In it, there’s a scene near the
beginning where Julia Roberts’ character has just
kissed Jude Law’s character. During the make-out
session, she asks him if he’s living with his
girlfriend. He says that he is.

  Julia Roberts then says to Jude Law, ‘Men are
crap.’

  He smirks at her and says, ‘All the same,
though.’

  She says, ‘They’re still crap.’

  For those of you who haven’t seen the movie:
RUN, don’t walk, to the store, rent it, and watch
it tonight. I’m not kidding. 

  For those of you who have seen it: you’ll know
exactly which scene I’m talking about. 

  Now, it’s true that Jude Law’s character may be
‘crap’ (being a cheater, who just made out with
Julia, despite already having a live-in
girlfriend.) 

  BUT, Julia still KNEW that he had
a girlfriend when she kissed him. 

  And yet, she still went ahead and got up in there. 

  Why? 

  Because she ALREADY BELIEVES that ‘men are
crap.’ 

  She believes, on some level, that there are NO
OTHER OPTIONS out there for her (i.e. men who
AREN’T crap) … so she may as well make out with
someone who’s ‘taken’, seeing as nothing else better
is going to come along.

  This belief ‘frees her’, in some way, to make
out with him, even though she KNOWS he’s taken.
And of course, acting on that belief just proves
to her, again, that it’s true. (‘Another man I’ve
gotten involved with who is, like all of them,
CRAP.’)

  She’s creating a SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY that
all men (in her life) are ‘crap’, by believing
that stereotype, acting accordingly, and then
buying into it when things turn out unhappily, as
she’d expected …

  … instead of using some self-awareness and
REALIZING that it’s her own belief, in part, that
leads her to become involved with those ‘crap’
men. 

  In other words, if she’d just accept that all men
are NOT crap, she’d probably be a little choosier
about who she got involved with … and would thus
prove the point that many men, if you can just be
bothered finding them, are in fact a lot BETTER
than ‘crap’.

  Who are, in fact, so much better than ‘crap’ that
if ALL women could act in this way, the critical mass
of female expectations would rapidly render male cads and
cheaters completely obsolete in an overnight global phenomenon.

  So reason one: buying into stereotypes can
influence you, UNKNOWINGLY, to cause those ugly
beliefs to actually manifest themselves in your
life. (You are creating your own reality.)

  Reason number two: women who believe bitter
stereotypes about men have a certain ‘air’ about
them. Their actions and reactions are tainted with
that particular belief, and it’s not hard to pick
up on. 

  Men, of course, are not drawn to this quality. 

  Think about it this way: imagine if you were
spending time with a man, and you came to realize
that he believed that women were ‘only good for
sex.’

  Or that ‘men are smarter than women.’

  It wouldn’t be too hard to figure out that’s
how he felt. Those beliefs would flavor most of
his actions towards you … everything from how he
spoke to you to how he looked at you to how he
introduced you to his friends would SCREAM
‘contempt’. 

  And I’d bet money right here and now that you
wouldn’t be interested in getting to know this guy
any better, once you knew where he was coming
from. You’d hightail it out of there!

  The problem with basing your beliefs on
STEREOTYPES is that …

  – They poison your ability to actually SEE
what’s happening around you, and to act
appropriately

  – They’re a form of self-fulfilling prophecy,
actually drawing people and situations to you
which uphold your (wrong and limiting) beliefs, and

  – They repel quality men and relationships from
you.

  If you want to create fantastic, enchanting,
magical relationships, you’ve got to get
interested in what’s REALLY going on. 

  And that means, you’ve got to get skeptical of
yourself. Start looking inside your own head at
what your motivations are. What do you REALLY
think about men? Could it be affecting the way you
act around them? 

 You don’t
need to understand men fully in order to attract
them. 

  And now I’m saying you need to ‘deepen your
understanding’ of what’s REALLY going on. 

  Let me explain the difference. 

  Embracing masculine mystique, and burying your
head in the sand, are two completely different
things!

  You are probably never going to COMPLETELY
understand men … but if you can at least
understand why men are the way they are in certain
situations, your path to true love is going to be
a lot smoother than it otherwise would be. 

  ‘Not understanding men 100%’ and ‘bowing out by
accepting stereotypes’ are NOT the same thing. 

  Being realistic about your limitations and
being ignorant are not the same at all!

  Here’s the truth: figuring out the real, honest
mechanics of masculine behavior (including its
origins) is one of the best things you can do to
set yourself up for success in the dating game,
and to avoid heartache. 

  And that begs the question … ARE men really all
that different to us?

  And if so, HOW? 

  This used to be a topic of some pretty hot
debate. At one time (and not that long ago), it
was extremely fashionable and ‘correct’ to believe
that men and women were ‘equal’ in all things …

  … that our only differences lay in our physical
topography. 

  Now, though, that theory’s been blown right out
of the water.  Now we know that the male brain is
actually EXTREMELY different from the female
brain. 

  And as a result, EVERYTHING about ‘how men
operate’ – their values, their communication,
their basic skills – are different, too. 

  Men’s brains contain approximately 6.5 times
the amount of gray matter …

  … the stuff needed for logic, maths, and the
processing of FACTS …

  … than women. 

  On the other hand, women’s brains have about 10
times as much WHITE matter …

  … needed for language skills, communication,
and emotional fluency …

  … as men do. 

  To give you an idea of WHY this is (and hence,
why we are the way we are … and THEY are the way
they are), let’s take a quick look at some
background. I’m not an anthropologist, but I’ll
just give you the basics. 

  Some researchers believe it’s because human
evolution has naturally created two different
types of brains, which are both equally
intelligent — just in different areas.

  In prehistoric times, for example, men were the
hunters. Thus, they they developed – or already had -
hunting brains: brains that are good at assessing
physical situations, calculating speeds and
angles, tracking and mapping the surrounding
environment. 

  See how this ties in with the modern man’s
prepossession with video games, sports games,
golf, and any pastime that requires spatial and
logical ability? 

  Women, on the other hand, were believed by many
to be the gatherers and nurturers: they spent
their time raising children (communication,
language skills) and gathering berries and plants
(good peripheral vision, plus fine-motor skills.)

  So, we developed nurturing brains: brains with
bigger communication centers, with bigger
emotional memory centers, and a greater ability to
understand and reference body language and cues in
other people. 

  Our behavior, as men and women, is dictated by
our brains. And when you consider that each
gender’s brain is structured so incredibly
differently, does it really come as a surprise
that our behaviors are so divergent? 

  Of course, obviously this all varies on a case
by case basis. Not all men are skilled at logic
and math, just as not all women are skilled at
emotional fluency and communication. But as a
GENERAL RULE, those are the things that each
gender TENDS TO be ‘wired’ to do from birth. 

  So does this mean that it’s ‘right’ to
embrace stereotypes?

  Nope. This should just give you a better idea
of what the real story is as far as the male and
female brain is concerned. 

  That information can come in pretty handy when
it comes to making appropriate choices where men
and relationships are concerned.

  Let me give you a few examples of what I mean –
following are 9 tips for creating EASY and
EFFECTIVE communications with men (guaranteed to
smooth the path of true love.)

  1. DON’T BE WISHY-WASHY.

  Have you ever noticed that, in conversations,
there is usually a tone-setter and a reactor?

  The tone-setter is the one who sets the tone
and the mood. They create reactions in the other
person through their use of language,
conversational topic, and physical cues. They may
be making jokes, but not laughing at them; they
may be telling stories, but refraining from
responding to them.

  The other person is the reactor. They’re the
one who reacts more – they’re usually laughing
more than the other person and responding
appropriately to the conversation of the first
person.

  In a lot of male/female interactions, the male
is the one who sets the tone, and the woman is the
one who reacts to that leadership.

  This behavior is usually based in INSECURITY,
and as a result, turns a lot of guys OFF. 

  Think about it. 

  For a lot of women, it ‘feels’ more ‘natural’
to not ‘rock the boat’ and not risk disapproval by
actually having an opinion and stating it … but
I’ve got to say that most ‘quality men’ are USED
to women like this, and they’re BORED by them. 

  (And furthermore – c’mon now! Neediness just
doesn’t cut it. ACTING non-needy is the first step
towards BEING non-needy.) 

  Men often want more of a CHALLENGE. 

  That’s not to say that rudeness, brusqueness,
or abruptness is desirable … but it is DEFINITELY
desirable when you’re able to have your own mind
and speak it, too. 

  2. Don’t expect men to ‘get it’ by themselves
all the time.

  Many women tend to be ‘bush-beaters’ – they get
coy, indirect, and drop hints about stuff.

  Then, they get resentful and crabby when those
hints don’t get taken or acted upon. 

  Here’s an idea for lasting happiness on BOTH
sides: say what you mean, and mean what you say. 

  Ever been around one of those couples where the
girl’s always SAYING that something’s OK, but you
can tell – deep down – that it’s not?

  I used to have friends who did that, and it
always made for a very uncomfortable atmosphere
when I’d hang out with them and their boyfriends. 

  They’d be too nervous to say what they REALLY
felt, so instead, would SAY that something was
fine … when, clearly, it wasn’t. 

  And then, when their boyfriend went ahead and
did it, they’d get grumpy and take out their mood
on him by pouting, playing up for attention, and
sulking.

  This is totally demeaning and NOT attractive. 

  How about this:

  How about getting interested in actually being
STRAIGHT-UP about what you think, as and when you
form that opinion?

  If you can master the art of easygoing
directness, you instantly skyrocket your value in
ANY social setting. Speaking your mind (tactfully)
is something that not a lot of people feel capable
of doing … and as a result, you INSTANTLY seem
classy, in-control, and ‘real’. 

  3. KNOW WHEN TO LET HIM CHILL OUT.

  Did you know that, as women, our brains
LITERALLY never disengage?

  Studies in neurobiology have shown that this is
true.

  The corpus callosum (that connects the 2 sides
of our brain) is different to men’s, and the
result is that the left and right sides of the
brain are CONSTANTLY interacting, communicating, and
parsing meaning from the world. 

  Even when we’re asleep, we’re still ‘working’
with our brains!

  Guys do not do this. Their brains can ‘turn
off’. 

  This may be why men like to ‘unwind’ by
disengaging the brain and just thinking about
nothing for awhile.

  Here’s how this can apply to your life. 

  Have you ever noticed that, when women come
home from a hard day at work, they want to talk
about all the stuff that happened to them that
day?

  Generally, discussing the day helps us to
relax, put things in perspective, and get into
‘recreation-time’ mode. 

  Men, on the other hand, often prefer a more
‘meditative’ approach: lots of guys like to come
home and think (and, more importantly, TALK) about
NOTHING MUCH for awhile. 

  If you want to INSTANTLY IMPROVE relations with
the guy in your life, try giving him at least – at
LEAST! -  half an hour of silent, unbothered
‘fire-gazing time’ without interruption. 

  Not to call too heavily on history to explain
current events, but …

  In pre-historic times, men chilled out and
‘got perspective’ literally by gazing into the
fire. They would sit there in silence, enjoying
the flickering light and the red glow from the
embers, and would remain there until they felt
ready to re-enter the hive of the community. 

  In modern times, men do this by reading the
newspaper, watching the news on TV, browsing
online, or just pottering around for awhile. 

  Most guys would appreciate it more than they
can say if you would just allow them that
half-hour or so of quiet time when they come home
at the end of the day before asking questions,
requesting help with the dinner, or talking to
them about your day. 

  This is something that a lot of women struggle
with, because it seems so unnatural to us. So
here’s a suggestion: don’t knock it ’til you’ve
tried it. Give him a kiss when he walks in the
door, and then go do your own thing until HE comes
to YOU.

  4. Pick your ‘we need to talk’ times well.

  It JUST MAKES SENSE that, if you have something
you want to talk about, that you choose a GOOD
TIME to do it in.

  Regardless, lots of women are driven by their
EMOTIONS when choosing a ‘talking time’ … and end
up picking a bad time that virtually GUARANTEES
frustration for both parties. 

  For example, a lot of women bring up ‘issues’
when they’re in the car (with him driving.) This
is often because there’s a fair amount of ‘quiet
time’ for the passenger when travelling together
(he’s concentrating; you’re gazing out the window
and mulling things over.)

  This is when women often have ‘a-ha!’ moments –
moments when they just feel COMPELLED to bring
something up.

  Unfortunately, this need often coincides with
the very moment that he’s trying to navigate an
eight-lane ‘Spaghetti Junction’ of an
intersection, and as a result, the opener is
greeted with annoyance and/or silence. 

  Other classic times that well-meaning women
tend to bring up ‘issues’:

  – When the news is on

  – When he’s reading

  – When he’s just got home from work

  – On a tearful 2 a.m. phone call

  – In bed

  If you’ve got something important to discuss,
choose your time well. Wait til you’re both
feeling relaxed and in a good mood. Wait til he’s
not busy doing something else. And THEN bring it
up. 

  A quick note: try your hardest to NEVER talk
about ‘difficult’ (or potentially-difficult)
subjects in bed. The bed that you share should be
a ‘safe place’ where only sex, sleeping, and other
fun stuff happens. If you want to keep ‘bedtime’
as ‘cozy time’, steer away from the ‘difficult’
conversations when in it. 

  Oh … and don’t use phrases like ‘we need to
talk’. 

  5. UNDERSTANDING WINS OVER CONDEMNATION EVERY TIME. 

  Obviously, there are going to be times when a
guy’s behavior leaves you feeling baffled and
confused. But here’s what I recommend: don’t fly
off the bat. Until you KNOW BETTER, try giving him
the benefit of the doubt.

  There are a whole BUNCH of reasons as to why
this is the better alternative!

  First of all: when your guy feels like you
trust and believe in him, he feels energized and
motivated to do the right thing by you. Your
belief in him makes him want JUSTIFY that belief.

  On the other hand, beat him down with enough
doubt and leaping-to-the-wrong-conclusion
activity, and he’s going to end up feeling
mistrusted, childish, and resentful. 

  You can guess what the result of this is.

  Secondly: sometimes, a guy will actually
deliberately TEST YOU to see how you’ll react.
This is often to see how much ‘control’ he’s got
over you, and/or how upset you’ll get about
something he’s done. (The subtext, of course, is
to see how much you care about him.)

  If you get out-of-control upset about something
he’s done, he’s going to know EXACTLY where he’s
got you. (Hint: that’s not a good thing.) He now
knows exactly what he has to do to get a reaction
out of you. Did you know that some guys misbehave
around their girlfriends just because her reaction
makes him feel more cared for?

  Thirdly: it’s about respect. Your respect for
yourself, and HIS respect for YOU. Think about it
this way: if you’re interested in top-quality
relationships, you’ve actually got to be WORTHY of
having one. 

  This is isn’t something you can ‘fake’ your way
into: the kind of guy that you’re interested in
is, most likely, also interested in quality women.

  So, getting overly upset is going to make you
seem childish, immature, and out of control. In
other words: UNATTRACTIVE, and NOT the kind of
woman that quality men tend to go for. 

  Quality attracts quality: if you want great
relationships, you’ve got to BE GREAT. And in this
case, that means remaining CALM, and steering away
from condemnation. 

  This isn’t about ‘buttoning your lip’ or trying
to sugarcoat the situation – if you’ve got a
problem, by all means be open about it. 

  However, before committing yourself to being
emotionally offended, my suggestion is that you
make the effort to understand WHY he’s behaving in
a certain way. 

  Here’s an idea: try asking him to explain why
he’s acting that way.  Give him the chance to
explain himself. You might be pleasantly surprised
- and at the least, you’ll have given him the
chance to correct his behavior without
automatically resorting to emotional upset and
hurt feelings. 

  6. DON’T LAUGH WITH YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT HOW
ILLOGICAL AND DUMB GUYS ARE.

  This is a MAJOR attraction killer. It’s just
plain bad form to poke fun at guys for being
different to women – and it also feeds that
tendency to rely on stereotypes to ‘explain the
sexes’ and build a sense of ‘superiority’.
Needless to say, this will do nothing but create a
sense of emotional and psychological segregation,
and will do nothing to build up your attraction. 

  As I’ve already said, men and women are
inherently different. Don’t expect men to act like
we do. When they act differently, give them
the benefit of the doubt … and don’t make fun. 

  Just talk to him about your expectations, and
he’ll let you know whether he can meet those
expectations or not.

  7. BE FLEXIBLE.

  There are a lot of times when men and women
just flat-out disagree. Our gender differences are
responsible for a lot of these rifts of opinion,
and sometimes the disagreements can get ugly.

  What I’m suggesting here is that men – just
like women – want to be understood and
appreciated.

  Sometimes, men will not live up to your
expectations or ideals. I’ve found that, often,
women have these interior sets of ideals that they
hope the man in their life will live up to. 

  Sometimes he will be found lacking. It’s
practically inevitable.

  But perhaps, instead of feeling short-changed
and upset, you might like to experiment with being
just a little more flexible with those ideals of
yours. 

  It might be appropriate for you to share your
hopes and ideals with your man. And if you don’t
feel that you can articulate them to him, maybe
you should ask yourself why that is.

  Is it because you know, deep down, that those
ideals are unrealistic?

  Try just loosening up your values a little bit.
You’ll probably be much happier – and, when you’re
happy, the man in your life will be happy, too. 

  8. DON’T ALWAYS BE AVAILABLE!

  This isn’t about playing hard to get … it’s
about keeping your priorities straight and having
the self-respect and the PASSION for your own life
that’s all part of being a desirable woman. 

  Here’s what often happens in the ‘first flush’
…

  Plenty of women start off by playing “hard to
get” when they’re in the initial stages of dating
a man.  Even if they don’t have a whole heck of a
lot going on in their lives other than the
potential new boyfriend, they make a point of
ACTING as though they do.

  They screen their calls, they wait a day or two
before returning his calls, they go out on girls’
nights to which he is not invited, and they talk
enthusiastically about all the other great things
they have going on in their lives.

  Then, once things get even a teensy bit
committed, the boundaries come down and the
reality is unleashed … and she ends up being a lot
more available than the guy had actually bargained
for. 

  This great, independent woman that he thought
he was dating has suddenly vanished … and now all
that’s left is a dependent, needy girl who wants
to spend an awful lot of time with him. 

  (NOTE: This is a major reason why I do not
advocate the playing of ‘games’ when it comes to
men and dating. It might attract a man in the
first place … but over time, it’s simply not
sustainable. And when the curtains come down,
that’s when he’ll see you’ve been using TRICKS to
‘get him’, and he’ll be OUT of there.)

  So … you don’t have to become completely
unavailable. However, it pays not to underestimate
the simple power of taking a couple nights a week
to do ‘you’ stuff. This’ll prevent things feeling
‘flat’ and stale, it’ll energize and revitalize
both of you, and it’ll give you some much-needed
‘me-time’. 

  9. TALK ABOUT YOURSELF SOMETIMES – DON’T ALWAYS
WAIT TO BE ASKED QUESTIONS.

  Many of my female friends moan that their dates
are constantly talking about themselves.

  However: I know for a FACT that a great deal of
women assume the role of The Questioner without
even meaning to.

  To a lot of women, it’s a sign of affection and
caring to ask the other person lots of questions
about themselves, and to get them to open up in
this way. 

  Men, on the other hand, do not do this. They
don’t tend to barter questions back and forth. If
they’re asked a question, they’ll view it as a
sign that you want to hear more about THEM. 

  In this way, the conversation can rapidly
become one-sided.

  In your own interactions with men, you’ll get a
lot more airtime if you just come on out and talk
about yourself, without waiting to be asked. This
shows you’re gutsy, confident, and that above all,
you value yourself: you’re not waiting for his
approval or validation. 

  (And in addition, it’ll prevent you from
getting frustrated. Nobody likes to be in a
conversation where it’s all one-sided, so take
control by yourself!)

To be honest the world is filled with liars. From men to women, either can leave trails of mud. An unsuspecting victim will be fooled by these worldly taunts! A mind filled with gossip only recruits ruin on the last route to recovery. Always remember that the questionable things one does unconsciously tend to surface. So absent reflexes are cured by the medicine of truth.

It is a mystery as to how the years have stood with a spineless back. Not asking for forgiveness, nor showing sorrow is the talent. As libraries of mischief collect lies, and policies indefinitely loan. Dominance will weigh more than silver by tongue. The epic battle is to listen, while the conflict of war is to believe.

-RAVEN CHRONICLES

Come and lay, I’ll kiss you on the eyelids,
then we’ll sleep and dream good things.
Don’t you know it is just the chemicals

-RAVEN CHRONICLES

I want to share this with you and hope that you will keep it in your heart.I want you to use it as an inspiration to succeed and to achieve your dreams.  It is a quotation from Dr. Benjamin Elijah Mays. He was President of Morehouse University in Atlanta, Georgia.He mentored Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Remember MARTIN LUTHER KING later said, … i have a dream.. and his dream has been realised a million times more.
 
“It must be borne in mind that the tragedy of life does not lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having NO goals to reach. It is not a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled, but it is a calamity NOT to dream. It is not a disaster to be unable to capture your ideal, but it is a disaster to have NO ideal to capture. It is not a disgrace not to reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have NO stars to reach for. NOT failure, but low aim, is sin”.

Love Father Bear.

This Thursday February 03 2011, a group of females analyzed and interpreted “Phenomenal Woman” by Maya Angelou. They told us that they believed it was about the celebration of a woman, strength and power, the appreciation of her body and the likes. However; he gave us his interpretation, he said that what he believed the poem was talking about was an African women. The fact that Maya Angelou is a descendent of a slave, she was making reference to herself; about her voluptuousness and explaining how strong she is cause she was a victim of several rape occasions but she still managed to carry on strong. Though he did mention that what the poem mainly mentioned was the physical being of her, it stressed a lot on how sexy her body was and how men would stare because her body was amazing. He mentioned that it had hints of erotica because of the lines in the 2nd stanza;

The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees.

He believed that she made an erotic statement how men are easily tempted by just looking at her, that they swarm around her; a hive of honey bees, making reference to herself as the “Queen Bee” and the worker bees are the horny bees because they all fight to sleep with the Queen Bee. I was truly stunned, not only am I in English class, my professor was really getting “intimate” during the lesson. What REALLY was the ear opener & I believe it could have never made any more much sense if explained by another male; he asked the class if would we like to know why Batswana women are considered “easy”. Of course the whole class was intrigued and he further went to explain that;

Batswana women DO NOT keep their  mouth shut. When a Motswana female has something good going on with a male, she tells other females how good she is being treated by this certain male. These other females as well would like to experience the comfort and goodness she has been experiencing.  The male on the other hand yes is in a compromising position which he should resist temptation BUT the females relieve the pressure by becoming more available to them.

NOW;

where Batswana men go wrong is that majority do not realize they control 1% of 100 females. So eventually he gains 100 females; one at a time or maybe two. PROBLEM is that Batswana men want 20% at once!